Your Highness

Whole Shebang

Okay

Finally, a movie for my mom.  No, in the first ten minutes she’d cover her eyes saying, why would someone make this?  Then she would probably put in one of the Jesse Stone movies.  I haven’t seen any of them, but if my mom likes all of them, it must mean that everyone dies in a bloody massacre in the end.  No, she wouldn’t really care for that.  And Catter Faceplant kept circling as I watched this one, finally saying, is this boring, or is it just me?  Well, it got a little boring, but Danny McBride generally makes me laugh, so I managed to not fast forward once.  

 

So Prince Thadeous (McBride) likes to hang out and wants to be king, so he can hang out some more.  But he has a brother, Prince Fabious (James Franco), who is all questing and chivalrous, who only makes Thadeous look like more of an ass.  Poor Thadeous, he means well, but he doesn’t really want to do anything more than smoke and leech at women, which makes Fabious’s victorious return even more annoying to him – just because he doesn’t feel like questing and ever helping anyone doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have feelings.

 

Fabious returns with a bride, Belladonna (Zooey Deschanel), a lady who’s been locked in a tower all of her life, and as a result, doesn’t seem to have a fully functioning brain.  She was saved from an evil wizard, Leezar (Justin Theroux, and I’m trying to restrain myself from calling him Mrs. Jennifer Aniston, but bam, I just failed), who needs her for his diabolical plan to create a dragon. He shows up on the wedding day to take her back, then Fabious must go a questin’ to get her back.

 

Thadeous and his trusted servant Courtney (Rasmus Hardiker) have to join the quest, which means they have to sloth around after Fabious and his little band of knights, who include Damian Lewis as Sir Soames, the annoying, mean one in the back who just wants to have a son.  I always think they’re saying Sloames in the miniseries, but I’m not British, so maybe if I were British, I would have understood more of the dialog.  But really Bosinney?   Fog man, not the best time to run into traffic!  Now he can design clouds in heaven.

 

Along the way they meet Natalie Portman, which isn’t all that interesting since it’s you know, Natalie Portman.  Don’t get me started on Black Swan.  I tried really really hard to watch it (it was Net Flixed), but I just couldn’t take her facial expression.  It never changed.  Wahhhhh!  I’m suffffeeeeerrrrring! Here she’s all bad ass questin’ girl who needs to get drunk and stop being so I’m bad ass questin’ girl, but that’s neither here nor there.  Off they go to save Belladonna, but that’d only really do any good if they can find the big piece of her brain that’s missing.  

 

This is crude and nasty, but I thought how Thadeous ran away from everything was funny.  Hitting the attacker with a pillow is funny.  I’m not so sure why he changed his mind and became somewhat noble, but okay.  Oh, I did like Portman in Closer.  

 

Watch this one if you like this kind of humor, but stay away if you like to think you have good taste, or are my mother.  Or Catter Faceplant, she was bored.  Whenever there was a moment of quiet she’d ask hopefully, “Are you fast forwarding?”  

 

But I didn’t.  Not once.  Have to keep saying it.