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Note – I listened to this one because a YouTuber had it on her list of top ten Mafia romance books.  I was so confused that this genre existed that I actually made sure that I understood the word “mafia,” thinking it might have another meaning, like some Greek alien genre or something.  But this is a real thing, Mafia, as in organized crime, romance.

 

Still confused, I got “Devil of Dublin.”  I finished it and  “The Devil Himself” (I generally commit to a series no matter what I think of the first book, well not Throne of Glass, I read the first one around 2014-ish and was like wtf is this mess?  I suffered through the first book for the second time in 2024, and it’s still like, seriously, what is this complete mularkey? She’s the best assassin ever?  Is this like an inside joke?  But I listened to the next one, and next, okay, I skipped “Tower of Dawn” because, like, why does anyone need to listen to that? but listened to the rest of the series.  I think I actually bought the audiobook of Tower of Dawn, but I just can’t play it, I guess maybe it’d be interesting to hear what it’s like for paint to dry.  That’s completely unfair, I can’t seriously complain about it until I listen to it.)

 

After listening to both books, I’m even more confused.  These books seem to have touched a chord in a lot of readers, which is great, really, that is writing at its finest, but these just aren’t for me.  They are rough, like, oh, can it get worse, yup, there it is.  It can’t get worse than…and well, nevermind….   I’m not kidding, read the trigger list on the author’s site before proceeding – for me, there was very little reprieve from trauma in this one.  By the end of the book I looked around for someone to give me a pat on the head for making it all the way through. 

 

If you love the Devil books, awesome, but if you’re looking for a book to escape how hard life can be, maybe think a bit longer before delving into these.  But they might touch the same chord in you as in a lot of other people, really the reviews are mostly bananas for these two books, just be prepared to be somewhat depressed.  Or not, maybe some people were rejuvenated by the end, I don’t know.  I, however, was somewhat depressed.  And then after chapter one of “The Devil Himself,” I just…awful, complete awfulness.  You’re still trying to get past the trauma of “Devil in Dublin”?  Ha ha ha ha, here you go!  Mwahahahaha! 

Summary

 

A baby starts narrating, and I’m like, wow, okay, how long do we have to listen to a baby?  This is Lil’ Darby, and as I was trying to decide how much I can listen to a baby’s thoughts her mom mentions Lil’ Darby is eight-years-old.  And I’ll all, wow, what?  She’s eight?  Maybe kids are different now and sound like this?  That’s not great for the world.  And I bumped up the speed to 1.5x.

 

Mom and Lil’ Darby are visiting Lil’ Darby’s grandpa because grandma just died.  Grandpa sounds friendly and encourages Lil’ Darby to wander into the woods by herself with only her baby street smarts to protect her, but maybe she should avoid the witch that eats children.  And here’s a biscuit to take with you, fairies love biscuits, one, because they are tasty and delicious, and, two, because they are actually cookies, just called biscuits to confuse the Americans.  This leads to Lil’ Darby wandering around the woods repeating fairy, fairy, fairy as she presents the biscuit to the air.  Sigh.

 

Lil’ Darby’s street smarts lead her to an abandoned cottage where a boy is sniffling and snorting in distress.  Lil’ Darby knows this is a fairy and offers up her biscuit to the boy, who eats it distressingly quickly.  Lil’ Darby then spells her name for him, and it’s just, I don’t know, I guess kids do that? 

 

The boy is Lil’ Kellen, and he’s clearly had a pretty sh*^ty life – not only does he not have any freckles, he has a split lip and doesn’t speak.  Lil’ Darby is determined to get some playtime in, so she’s like, let’s play Harry Potter!  And I’m like, let’s not, but she ignores me and Lil’ Kellen’s a good, quiet sport since it’s a break from his life, but it was a lot of playtime.  Like, I just kept wondering when it would end. 

 

Mom kills the play vibe as Lil’ Kellen runs off and it’s decided they’ll visit grandpa once a year. 

 

A year later Lil’ Darby returns and tries to bring Lil’ Kellen to grandpa’s to get some water, but grandpa’s all, he’s the devil!  Bwahhhh!  Devil boy!  Ummm, he’s literally a child….  Lil’ Kellen runs off, hopefully to get grandpa his meds, because that’s terrible.

 

Another year later and Lil’ Kellen’s been working on the cottage, annoyed that Lil’ Darby’s been there for three days and not looked for him.  She’s his ray of hope in life because she’s the only one who doesn’t treat him like the spawn of Satan – he’s only twelve, but he’s the evil village outcast and all he has in life are these few days playing with Lil’ Darby.  Seriously, this town is horrifying.

 

Lil’ Darby decides they should play barbershop!  And I’m like, what?  Why?  Then Lil’ Darby rattles on about her YouTube channel featuring teddy bears in Teddy Bear Land and I look around for how to make this end.  It doesn’t, she keeps going until Lil’ Kellen nearly has a panic attack from the tales of teddy bears throwing plastic food at each other.  He’s not anti-teddy bear food fight, but it reminds him of his mom. 

 

He runs home and his guardian, Father Henry, sees Lil’ Darby braided Lil’ Kellen’s hair, so he cracks Lil’ Kellen’s ribs, breaks his fingers, and beats him with a spindle.  Lil’ Kellen feels Monster Henry’s excitement against his back and is desperate to not go downstairs where the monster likes to perform his rituals.  Lil’ Kellen passes out and wakes up to find his hair was hacked off by the monster which sends Lil’ Kellen into a rage that he can only alleviate by hurting himself.  Which proves to him that everyone is right about him, he’s the devil.  And I’m like holy sh*& he’s a twelve-year-old child and this is only chapter three.  It can’t get worse, right?  Right? 

 

The next day, I think it’s the next day, it’s church time, but Lil’ Darby’s shoes hurt her lil’ feet and they’re running late to the service.  Father Henry likes to humiliate the latecomers so her mom lets her stay outside and skip the service, giving Lil’ Darby about 28 hours of free time.  She goes to the cemetery to check on grandma and sees the sad haunted house at the end of the cemetery.  She spots Lil’ Kellen from like a hundred yards away.  Someone get that girl into sniper school. 

 

Lil’ Darby runs into the haunted house, finds Lil’ Kellen all messed up, and offers to fix his hair since there are still some long strands.  Embarrassed and ashamed, Lil’ Kellen cuts his hair himself but does give her his hair when she asks for it so she can remember him.  He’s emotional destroyed from the last day so he points to the door for her to leave and Lil’ Darby’s all fine!  She drops the hair and pinwheel runs back to the church.  He chases her down, gives her his hair and asks her to remember him. 

 

Two years pass and Lil’ Darby’s now twelve with a creepy uncle who seems to be staring at her chest – she has to hang out with the family until she’s released into the wild to play.  When she’s finally freed, she hurries to find Lil’ Kellen, stopping to try to tie her braid back when Lil’ Kellen spies her and her braid and he’s crazy mad.  She follows him back to the cottage, which he’s now fixed up.  She doesn’t understand why he’s so upset, but he finally wails that she promised!  It’s been two years because her dad stopped paying child support and her mom has had medical bills.  From the talk it might be ovarian cancer, so there, Lil’ Kellen, chill out.

 

This calms him down and she asks what they do around there for fun, and he leads her to a tall tree rope swing type thing that sounds like a death trap but Lil’ Darby’s game!  It’s all fun and games until you fall twenty feet into the thorny blackberry bushes in front of your crush. 

 

Lil’ Darby crashes into the bushes from pretty high up and Kellen gets mad at the bushes but is able to pull her out.  He takes her into the lache and he calms down while she probably has a concussion and some messed up internal organs.  Injured Lil’ Darby is now floating in water instead of on her way to the hospital.  Who cares, she woke up, see?  It’s all fine.  It’s a sweet moment for them, concussion sosmussion – I guess Lil’ Darby heals quickly, but I’m like, yo, how are you going to explain all those cuts to your mom, Lil’ Darby since you were worried about her seeing wet clothes?  No worries!  We jump 8 years!  Hurrah!

 

Twenty-year-old Darby is back!  Yea!  For the funeral of the last loving member of her family.  Sigh, of course she is.  Her mom died about six months after Lil’ Darby’s last visit and Lil’ Darby has lived in her dad’s bachelor pad afterwards.  She was a waitress, and going to college, I’m pretty sure, when she met Lawyer, her dipwad fiancée, who’s there with Darby to help keep tabs on her inheritance and show the townsfolk how abusive demons like to wear ascots and feathers in their hair. 

 

Darby’s engagement ring is trying to kill her one itch at a time, which she tries to ignore.  Maybe take it off?  The funeral is just a mess and people are not all that friendly when all Darby really wants is a hug.  She needs one but can’t pay the bill Lawyer would charge her for it.  

 

Overwhelmed by everything, Darby pinwheel runs into the woods to see the cottage she used to go to with Lil’ Kellen and has a messed up sense of direction as she runs to the house of an older lady who is definitely NOT a witch .  The definitely NOT a witch scolds Darby for pissing off the lady of the lache who had blessed her and Kellen after Darby fell into the bushes.  She finds clumsiness amusing, Darby!  How could you get engaged to a Lawyer?  Darby howls that Kellen is DEAD!!  Dead!  The older lady’s like, you don’t really think that!  And Darby’s like that’s not the point! and runs away.

 

Meanwhile, Kellen is around somewhere and talking blah blah crime lingo stuff blah.  He has a simple mission that won’t be as easy as it seems since they’re sending him.  He’s the scariest dude in all of Ireland, he’s killed a million and a half men with paper straws and gummi bears.  Mwhahahhaa!

 

The Scariest Dude in Ireland goes back to the area to see if Darby showed up for her grandpa’s funeral.  He’s kind of avoiding the place since he torched the house and faked his death.  He sees Darby pinwheel running into the woods and chases after her…silently…because he’s the best killer man in Ireland...  He’s waiting for her to notice him, but how is she supposed to since clearly the Scariest Dude in Ireland has catlike reflexes and blends into any background?  Kellen also gets annoyed to see she’s wearing an engagement ring from like a quarter mile away – sniper school for both of them!

 

Obviously Darby doesn’t see the super sneaky catlike Scariest Dude in Ireland in the cottage, but she finds his jacket and puts it on as she heads back to her grandpa’s house showing very little regard for someone else’s belongings.  Lawyer shows up drunk and calls her awful names, beats her, and is trying to assault her when it goes quiet and she opens her eyes to see Kellen is attacking Lawyer with his own tie.  Oh and Lawyer ran over a sheep! 

 

Kellen and Darby go to the lache and Kellen Sisyphus’s Lawyer’s body into the bottom of the lache while Darby decides to wade into the freezing cold water since that’s what one does in these situations.  The lady of the lache is mad at her for being with Lawyer so the lady has no choice but to try to drown her out of principle.  Darby gives the lady her engagement ring and the lache is like, we prefer a cushion cut, but all right. 

 

Kellen fishes Darby out of the lache and she eventually takes a bath to get warm.  Off they go to Kellen’s simple gun drop in her and Lawyer’s rented ford fiesta.  As they drive to the simple drop, Darby channels her Lil’ Darby and decides Kellen is special ops for the Teddy Bears, so he’s like, you bet.

 

The Scariest Man in Ireland with Catlike Reflexes and No Coat is an hour late to the drop off and hears his boss and a Russian talking about how handing over Kellen is the price to avoid war!  Umm, what now?  The Irish gang sent Kellen to kill a Russian guy, which he did, and now the Russians want Kellen and not the guy who ordered the murder?  I’m not sure that really solves the problem.  They’ll all just start sending their mother-in-laws as hitmen.  But the Russians want to make a point! 

 

Kellen skeedadles as soon as he understands what’s happening and is going to kill the guys waiting for him, but Darby drives up behind him as she looks for more fairies and they take off to lose the bad guys.  They get shot at, but Kellen shoots back with his super special ops training and remarkable vision, sending a car into the bushes. 

 

Our couple then goes to a b&b and Kellen tells her to go to the police and tell them she and Lawyer were kidnapped and they took Lawyer – then the popo will help her get home.  She’s like no!  And THEN they decide to look at his injuries.  She digs out the gunshot pieces and he admits he’s never had a sleep over, so Darby sets up a campsite in their room.  Because she’s Darby.  She proceeds to tell Kellen about the life she’s endured since her mom died and she was sent to live with her dad.  She was thirteen when his friends started to horrifically abuse her. 

 

So the next day they attempt some physical intimacy, but it’s too much for them, and I’m just like, err, umm, maybe they can go get some breakfast, or do some yoga?  No one listens to me in this book. 

 

Darby’s dealing with her years of trauma and the terrible things Lawyer spewed at her when he attacked her.  She wrestles with the shame and that she’s led a pointless life, that she wanted to do something nice for Kellen and couldn’t even do that.  Which mirrors how he feels about himself.  He recognizes her fear and they talk, then they try again, and I’m just like, okay, you win, more Harry Potter would be fine here instead.

 

Soon the couple is chased by the popo and Darby still thinks that Kellen is Teddy Bear Special Ops.  They take a train to Dublin and take up residence in a cottage with a book nook to make Darby happy, like Transylvania!  Kellen even tries to impale some local lawyers and put them on the yard for ambiance.

 

They then go to the Butcher to get papers so they can really go to Transylvania and start a coffin business.  Darby’s supposed to act like Kellen’s hostage because the Scariest Dude in Ireland with Catline Reflexes only has hostages run errands with him.  No problem, says the Butcher, you are one scary dude, and so catlike.  It’ll take 3 days and 20K.  Now Kellen has to sell the 25K in guns he has from the failed gun exchange the night before, or two nights before.

 

They go back to the Transylvania nook and another trauma-induced attempt at physical contact, and really, guys, maybe try a game of Scrabble?  Kellen leaves to collect himself, because it’s always a good idea to leave your traumatized friend alone when everyone’s looking for you, and Darby tries to calm down in the nook.  He comes back after picking some fights and getting a bloody face and there’s more intimacy with Darby calling him “baby,” which makes me just wince.  They’re really, crazy, super dooper in love, which I guess is nice, but they can just play some checkers? 

 

Then they go shopping!  For stuff!

 

Eventually they go to the oldest bar in Ireland so Kellen can sell the guns to a Brit, which is alarming right there.  A Brit would go to this bar just to get a few guns when he could be at home baking a cake and playing croquet?   The Brit is way too agreeable since he’s actually there to collect Kellen and give him to the Russians.  Luckily this is an Irish bar, so the patrons all start singing so no one will notice all the killing. Henchmen go after Darby, and Kellen hulks out and stabs the Brit, then fights the other thugs as the bar serenade keeps going. 

 

Fortunately, Darby did as she was told before the meeting and went to the bathroom and waited.  Kellen’s a bit worse for wear and the bar patrons start screaming as they find the bodies.  Back at the book nook, Kellen goes into the bathroom and after way too long, she’s like, hmm, maybe he’s injured?  Since there were gunshots?  Hmm, maybe not, what’s a good book to read?

 

She finally goes into the bathroom and finds Kellen hurting himself.  Darby’s not sure what to do since she can’t touch him due to his trauma.  She calls him baby a few times and I cringe again, like, ick, blech, this is bad enough without her calling him baby.  Kellen’s in a pretty messed up rage so he grabs her by the throat, then comes to and kind of freaks out that he was violent with her.  He collects her, tosses her in the book nook, closes the attic door, and takes the ladder.  This leaves traumatized Darby stranded in the dark attic by herself. 

 

But she’s only worried about Kellen - he’s out there, wanted by the police, with two weapons!  Omg!  This is all my fault.  She tries to deal with her demons, a lot of it is Lawyer calling her useless, and I wish he hadn’t left her in the dark, that’s just like, turn on a light, Mister.

 

Darby makes her way out and goes to the park where he picked fights earlier to try to find him.  And I’m like, oh, right, that would be a good idea if you weren’t being actively hunted by the Russians, the Irish, and now the Brits.  And it’s raining!  You know it’s a bad idea when it’s raining!

 

Darby can’t find him, so she’s again pointless in her mind.  Going back to do nothing, the only thing she couldn’t f up.  With her trauma, which, just a reminder, includes the murder of her fiancée, like 36 hours ago, he left her in the dark with her own thoughts and worry that he might get himself killed.  Maybe leaving his angel girlfriend repeatedly in a foreign country and a lot trauma is what makes him the Scariest Dude with Catlike reflexes in Ireland?

 

Darby stops by a restaurant and a nice bar guy says come on in, get warm.  She goes in and there’s a news story looking for an American couple, the Lawyer’s dad has offered a reward for any information.  And now all the bar all wants the reward.  Darby tries to zip out of there and runs right into a smug cop who’s happy to collect her.

 

Meanwhile, Kellen actually went back to his apartment to get cash to pay for the papers since the gun deal fell through.  Which really surprised me that he was doing something that made sense.  But he gets a text and off he goes.

 

Shamus, the Irish boss man that Russia doesn’t want to punish for ordering the death of the Russian dude, has Darby.  And now they’re all, poor girl in the hands of the Devil of Dublin, and he’s killed nineteen thousand people in horrible ways and Kellen’s like, drat.

 

He offers to turn himself in to the Russians if they clear Darby’s name and send her home.  Which she doesn’t like, she doesn’t care about the nineteen thousand murder victims, or that he’s not really a Special Ops Teddy Bear, she just cares what they did to him.  Shamus is like, sure, we’ll take care of her, and that’s good enough for Kellen.  Ummm…dude…

 

Kellen says he’ll see her in eternity and heads off to his doom, completely trusting these guys who tried to trick him earlier are going to keep their word, protect Darby, and send her home.  Sure, Kellen, you bet.  I get it, thinking is hard.

 

Soon after Darby’s tied up in a car with a pervert who wants to abuse her more.  Because of course she is.  Kellen’s all, that’s me girl and I fooking love her!  Then he hands her over to be assaulted and murdered?  Like, huh? 

 

Fortunately, Darby’s done with this sh*& so she kills the driver with a seatbelt – he’s big but it locked around his neck when he hit the brakes – then she gets the ford fiesta she rented with Lawyer, heads back to the car with the dead guy Kellen shot when they fled the warehouse.  She dresses the dead guy in Lawyer’s clothes and lights him on fire.  They’d need dental records or her statement to confirm his identity!  And it’s like, I’m sorry, who are you?  Timeout, I missed Darby and her devious twin trading places and how she met with the Doctor and borrowed the Tardis to make enough time to do all this.  But, sure.

 

Back in a freezer holding cell, Kellen’s like, oh, Darby saw their faces, they aren’t going to let her live!  I need to work on my deduction skills.  Sad face. 

 

Kellen manages to get a gun and make a call from his little guard friend after learning that Darby’s driver was dead and the only likely conclusion is the Russians did it so they could take Darby to abuse.  The little guard’s all, don’t tell them I freed you!  And Kellen’s all, it’s cool, I’m staying, they have Darby and this is how I get her back.

 

Kellen is taken to the Russian meet and they’re handing him over when the popo show up because they received an anonymous tip from Kellen that the missing girl was there.  Well, Darby’s not there since she’s the one who killed the driver, and he’s like wtf.  And now he realizes dammit, now I have to fight more stuff.

 

He tries to attack his captors, but being bound makes it harder and he has most of his skin cheese grated off his hands and arms.  The Russians are out of shape, so they’re like f this, and are about to shoot him when a lot of popo comes in with Darby pointing to Shamus saying that’s the man who took me!  And bam, now Shamus, Shaun, and the Russians are all in jail forever.  (Darby’s statement is she and Lawyer saw a deal go down and they were chased and fired at, he died, and she was taken.  She only survived because her old friend Kellen helped her with his Teddy Bear Special Ops skills, then reenacts the war finale of her YouTube Teddy Bear Theater). And her uncle’s all, good job!!  See, I’m a popo!

 

Now Kellen’s all, how’d you do it?  Darby tells him, I did what you would do!  You taught me how to be a thug, thank you!  And I’m like, errr, huh? 

 

Darby also gifts Kellen his driver’s license, which is a big deal because he’s never had one since he faked his death.  How’d you do that?  Well, she…I would have to listen to that again, that was a lot.  Pawned Lawyer’s rolex, used the Russian’s phone to call the butcher then got his papers.  This is the girl I fell in love with!  Umm, that was the barbershop/biscuit girl who fell out of a tree, I literally have no idea who this girl is.

 

And there’s more in the envelope!  They’re married!  It’s a marriage certificate!  Well, that won’t look weird at all to the insurance company and cops who look into Lawyer’s death.

 

And they’re off for their honeymoon!

 

But first they go back to the cottage to say goodbye since they should go on the run now with all the mad mobsters out there.  But Kellen concedes they can stay there because Darby really, really wants to!  Umm, what now? 

 

A year later – it’s their anniversary!  Kellen is now doing woodwork and Darby’s back to school online.  They have PTSD where they feel they need to be around each other all the time, and you know, there are mobsters looking for them. 

 

Kellen gave Darby something, I can’t even remember what now, and Darby got a letter from Kellen’s mom for him.  And her story is awful.  She was abused by the church and Monster Father Henry.  She gave birth at fourteen and turned Kellen over to the monster when she could no longer take care of him so that the monster would put him up for adoption to a loving home, she had no idea the monster raised him.  Pretty sure the monster is his dad.  Which, you know, I got nothing.

 

And Kellen’s mad about all this, but he’s okay, and Darby invites his mom to bring a cake to him, and Kellen’s excited, and I can’t take much more of this.  Oh, he gave her a bench that they Tiddlywink on. 

 

And his Mom and a kid come and we get more kid talking and I can’t. 

 

Author’s Note:

Her aunt was abused by the church and had a baby they took away.  But the baby wanted to meet her later and hit helped heal her soul.

 

 

End Note:

 

Just not my type of book, it’s so subjective liking or not liking a book, and this one was hard to get through for me. Kellen was just terrible at his job of keeping Darby safe – he kills her fiancée instead of knocking him out, then takes her on the run with him only to abandon her to go get into a fight, but he takes her to a gun exchange, then abandons her in a dark attic, and finally agrees to let the bad guys do whatever they want to her.  Knowing what she’s been through.  Like, what?  And then he agrees to live in Glenshire when there will be two sets of mobsters looking to avenge the incarceration of their bosses?  Like, seriously, what?  All of that on top of their individual traumas.  It’s a freaking lot. 

 

When I finished it, I was like no way on listening to the sequel.  Then I read the main spoiler and was like, okay, that is crazybones.  I’m still not doing it.  But it’s crazybones!  How is she going to do that?