Okay Plus

 

We begin right after Part One ended, which Ms. Thornhill hasn’t watched for some time.  How do I know, you ask?  Because about ten minutes into this one she looked at me and said, “I am confused.”  Didn’t ask what was going on, she turned back to the screen with a look like she was watching an interpretive dance of the color beige.

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     Paul and Mama Paul are hanging out with the Fremen as they watch some bad guys float down from a ship and start walking toward them.  At this point Stilgar tells them to stay there as the rest of the Fremen run off, and I’m like, oh, I guess he doesn’t like Paul and Mama Paul very much.  It’s okay, they survive because Mama Paul can teleport now.  The Fremen drain the bad guys of their water and head back to the Fremen headquarters where some people think Paul is their mystical leader and Mama Paul would look really good if they let the kids write funny sayings on her face.

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     Stilgar believes in Paul, so tries to kill him some more by having him randomly walk into the desert to a distant undefined sand spot.  Chani decides to help Paul with his worm dancing so he doesn’t die, and by this point I’m confused about why the Fremen have brown eyes.  Maybe their eyes are so blue they look brown?  No worries, I’m about to get a lot more confused.  

After Chani and Paul divert from their sandwalking to break wind and smile at each other, the movie follows the playbook of Game of Thrones Season 8.  Suddenly Chani and Paul are attacking more bad floaty guy stuff, and I’m like ummm, was that the spot he was originally walking to because Stilgar told him to?  Then realized they were Jon Snowing it and just watched as time and distance have no meaning and everybody shows up in different places.

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     Meanwhile, The Elf Boy From That Show with the Guy From Spartacus, Shanara? I think?, is getting ready for his birthday with his uncle, the Big Mean Fella Played by Stellan Skarsgard.  The Elf Boy From That Show with the Guy From Spartacus is prepping to go into the arena and stab some people to make the Big Mean Fella Played by Stellan Skarsgard happy, and because he just generally enjoys since he’s the bad guy.   The Elf Boy From That Show with the Guy From Spartacus is supposed to be menacing, I think, so I find it an interesting choice for him to deliver all of his lines like Cookie Monster Kevin from The Office. 

 

     Back in GoT sand world, Paul is struggling with being seen as the messiah since the power the position grants him is kind of intense, but the floaty space men keep coming so he needs to help his new people by drinking sand worm pee.  He then starts yelling a lot and more stuff happens that’s like, okay, sure, let’s do that now. 

 

     But, in a genius casting move, someone hired Christopher Walken as the Emperor.  This straight up delighted me, it’s Christopher Walken with his Christopher Walken hair acting against Cookie Monster Kevin and Charlotte Rampling wearing an Amazon Prime box on her head.  Okay, for that I’m giving it a plus on top of the okay rating.

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     I do appreciate they’ve created a world, and the worms are very cool.  I’m hoping the next one, I’m guessing there’s another one? calms down a bit and doesn’t try to cover so much ground with such little explanation.  Why was Paul the messiah?  Because he tucked in his pants in the first movie?  Like I know he’s supposed to be, but you keep telling me, you’re not showing me much.  And please show us a scene of getting all those people and tents on and off a worm.  Please please.