We start out with the now classic newly-discovered-heroine-queen being tortured.  Because no romantasy series is complete without our gal having her skin cut off.  Then healed and cut off again.  She seems to really take it like a champ, so I guess that’s nice. 

 

Meanwhile, Lorian, Demos, and Asinia are wandering around the cave system as Lorian’s kind of bummed by the turn of events.  He seems rather unbothered by it, maybe it’s just my man Tim Paige’s delivery, but it’s like he’s just kind of wondering where he put his favorite ice green tunic.  My mate’s being tortured and I might see her again.  Say, is that a butterfly?

 

He and Demos carry a nearly dead, or just extremely heavy sleeper, Asinia, to a healer.  She’s healed as Lorian skips off to kill some army guys because of Lorian reasons.  Demos is pissed, why’d you do that man!  And Asinia’s all, did you learn anything?  He didn’t, it was pointless, because of course it was – this is Lorian.

 

Back at torture camp, PeePee is definitely NOT amused when the torturers kill poor Cavis, and it’s like, what did he contribute?  Seriously?  Did he ever use his language skills?  He was just the nice family guy who had to die so they can all beat their chests and cry why! to the gods.  

 

Then there’s ole Madinia, who’s still busy being pissy about, well, everything, but the Queen sends her PeePee’s location, and off she goes to save her.  But she doesn’t really have to!  PeePee saves herself!  With a chicken bone!  She strolls into the hallway, kills some guards, then frees Calysian, who’s a fae and locked up because he needs to seem mysterious since he’s now Madinia’s love interest for the off-shoot series that’s being set up. 

 

I started writing this summary about six weeks ago, and, man, I just unmotivated with this series.  So I’ll try to sum up what I can. 

 

PeePee and Lorian are reunited and he wants to eat her face, but she’s kind of worn out from being, you know, tortured, so everyone’s sad about that for a while.

 

Demos and Asinia bop off to save Tibris, but he’s in love with his captor, so good luck with that.  And he’s just really, really nice, so the camp wants to keep him.  I agree, keep Tibris.  He’s really annoying

 

PeePee, Lorian, and his flock of friends go off to convince a prince to help them by blackmailing him, so that’s…a choice.  But PeePee has become a political war genius, which I guess is helpful to their cause.  Seriously, she was just hanging out dreaming of living in a hut with some little whats-his-name babies, then bam! everything she does is for some super dooper smart reason because apparently the girl who used her power on an insecure bully and got her entire village destroyed when she could have instead just blocked his punch is playing 4D chess when everyone else is just eating their checker pieces.  I’m so tired of this.  I’m looking at you, stupid Feyre, whinging Emeline, and golly gee, me? Poppy.  I really dislike Feyre.  Like, why, why do you exist?  I can’t make it through the fourth book?  I think it’s the fourth, it’s the one with Cassian and Nesta.  Like, I just can’t.  I’ll try again at some point…I think.  I used to finish series in general, but these are just awful.  I digress.

 

So you have the mean queen lady constantly helping them because they are a bunch of idiots but she needs them to save her son.  The Scooby gang does save her son by getting information by dressing like prostitutes and hanging out on a corner to yell at people who think they’re prostitutes. 

 

Oh, and PeePee is totally freaked out the whole book because there’s a prophesy that the Bloodthirsty Prince will die, and I’m like, you know he won’t be dead long, that’s just mean to tease.  Lorian’s a boob, he just growls a lot and spends most of his time tracking PeePee with the Airtag he attached to her tiddlywinks.

 

God, I just keep digressing.  Let’s see…so maybe Tibris comes back with Asinia and Demos, I don’t remember, those two are about as interesting as smudged furniture instructions. 

 

Anyway, the pirate queen’s all, I’m calling in my chip, get over here, PeePee!  And PeePee’s all ha ha ha ha, this all works into my plan, let’s make a bargain that’s confusing and pointless because I’m playing space chess and you’re just hitting yourself in the face with Jenga blocks!  There are ships, and I think wards, and a bunch of stuff that they all need to figure out, then there’s all this dumb fighting and Lorian’s dumbass brother uses his power that bounces off a mirror and ends up killing Lorian.  Hurrah!

 

PeePee’s not about to lose her mentally deranged stalker so she reverses time, and Lorian’s back from the dead.  Boo.